420 ftw
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
