i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
