she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
