More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
