I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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