Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
