dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
