just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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