mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
