Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
