Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
