i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
