Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
