At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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