I want to stick my p in your. b.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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