the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she peed on how many people?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
