that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
