you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
