just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize