Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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