I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
