I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
