I'm drive I can fine osifer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
