# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
