areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
