I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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