I want to walk on stilts...naked
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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