You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
