Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
