i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
