i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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