Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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