is wine microwaveable?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
