oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
