I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
