the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
