so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
