There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
