You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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