Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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