Small penises have feelings too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
