We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize