Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
