HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
