I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
