you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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