how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
