Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
