i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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