when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
