i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
