My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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