Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
