I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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