gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
