the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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