While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
