that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
