don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
