Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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