It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
