and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
