I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
