So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
