I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
