so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
