I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
