YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
