i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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