What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
